“The world breaks everyone and afterward
many are stronger at the broken places.” Ernest Hemingway
A friend I spoke to recently,
mentioned that one of our common acquaintances had committed suicide. She was 42
years old, married, did not have any children and apparently lived an ordinary
life, in the seaside suburbs. One night her husband came home and found the
light on in the kitchen, the door open and his wife nowhere to be found. It
turned out she had gone to the pier and thrown herself into the sea. Her body
was washed up on the beach the same day. My friend was absolutely perplexed as
to why this woman should have committed suicide, especially as her personality
was so bubbly and her home life was apparently “happy”…
All is not as it seems: Who
knows what deep wounds she had in her soul of souls that she could not heal?
One of the reasons may have been her childlessness – she couldn’t have children
apparently. Was the life in the suburbs simply too much of a mindless rut that
she could not get out of? Living surrounded by “happy families” may have been
too much of a daily reminder of her own family’s incompleteness. One may ask,
why didn’t they adopt? Who knows, they may have tried. Our adoption laws in
this country are so Byzantine and convoluted and the number of children
available is so small, that I am not surprised if they didn’t even try.
On the other hand, her “happy”
home life may not have been so. Who knows the sort of problems that she and her
husband may have had. Was an affair the problem? Was there another woman? Was
there a divorce looming ahead? Could there have been health problems?
Depression? There was no suicide note, just the open kitchen door and the light
left on, shining out into the night, its glow a false promise of warmth,
security and normality.
Suicide has been regarded
differently by different societies. It is condemned by Islam, Judaism, and
Christianity, with suicide attempts being punishable by law in many countries.
The Brahmans of India, however, tolerate suicide; and suttee, the theoretically
voluntary suicide of an Indian widow, now outlawed, was highly praised at one
time. In ancient Greece, convicted criminals were permitted to take their own
lives (eg. Socrates), but the Roman attitude toward suicide hardened toward the
end of the empire as a result of the high incidence among slaves, who thus
deprived their owners of valuable property. Buddhist monks and nuns have
committed sacrificial suicide by self-immolation as a form of social protest.
The Japanese have long-honoured the custom of seppuku (= hara-kiri), or
self-disembowelment, as a ceremonial rite among samurai, who preferred this
fate rather than life led dishonourably.
A fatal suicide causes grief
and guilt for those who may feel that they could have prevented it by caring
and loving more than they did. If the act is non-fatal, it can serve as an
appeal for help and may give rise to efforts at remediation. Conscious or
unconscious expectation of these responses is one of the factors underlying
many suicidal acts. Personality and social factors, the stress on the
individual rather than the whole of society, mental illness, physical illness,
high standard of living, peace and boredom all have been implicated as contributing
to a high incidence of suicide in Western countries. It is interesting to note
that suicide rates decrease dramatically in wartime and in cultures where
extended families still are the norm.
In Australia, the facts about
suicide are:
- About 2,500 people take their
own lives in Australia annually.
- Which means an average of
seven suicides per day.
- For every completed suicide
there are over 30 attempts.
- Therefore there are over 210
people a day attempting suicide.
- There are 8.5 times more
deaths by suicide in Australia than by homicide.
- There are 1.5 times more
deaths by suicide in Australia than by road accidents.
As Hemingway says, the world
breaks us and if we mend we are stronger at the broken place, but we have to
survive to mend…
The painting
above is “Ophelia” (1852) by John Everett Millais, part of the Tate Gallery
collection. The painting influenced the image in Kenneth Branagh’s “Hamlet”.